Max has my heart. He draws it out of me and fills it with love.
I'm under his spell. All he has to do is write my name...
We go for rides in the kitchen exploring the world together...our race car is a blur and the little boy sounds the the car makes can still be heard in my mind...I've experienced another mother and son moment...thanks God!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Half the truth is often a great lie.
We all lie a little. I lie mostly to myself. Out of fear I allow my perception of reality to change. I don't want to deal with the hurt. I push it down inside of me.
Then guilt sets in and I attempt to suppress the bad choice that was made. Instead of laying it down at God's feet I chose to tell myself half the truth. I tell myself these little sins or lies won't hurt anyone because no one will know. But others suffer because of the untold part. And that's the problem. My sin cuts me off from God. Then I'm not able to be Christ like to my family and myself.
"Surely the arm of the LORD is not too short to save, nor His ear too dull to hear," says Isaiah 59: 1-2. "But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear."
As a mama I spend much effort teaching my boys to tell the truth. "I don't want you to lie to me, I want to know what really happened." The desire is to see my children work it out and get to the bottom of the problem. I don't punish them as harshly if they decide to tell the whole truth.
"All human sin seems so much worse in its consequences than in its intentions."
As a house keeper I pick up, clean up, move back, sort out, write out, make clean again.
"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9
As a teacher I spend much of the day trying to figure out what really happened that caused students to have the difficulty.
"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
So, I'm coming out with it and going to God...
"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make him out to be a liar and his word has no place in our lives" (1 John 1:8-10).
Thursday, March 12, 2009
My instructions were to type my name and the word “needs” in the Google search and then list the first ten responses that make sense.
1. Kim needs to take off the gloves.(I'm a lover not a fighter)
2. Kim needs a refreshment.(Yep, I do enjoy a refreshing drink)
3. Kim needs a respirator.(Just today during 4th hour I was holding my breath because of stress)
4. Kim needs a to mind her own business.(It's not good to get into others business)
5. Kim needs help.(I do need help, just found out today that I've got 4 more IEP's than I thought I had)
6. Kim needs more stuff at her mat.(I do need some cheerful spring items by my door mat)
7. Kim needs to shut up and go home.(I was going on about the Special Education paper pile waiting on me today)
8. Kim needs to loose a few.(There is no denying this)
7. Kim needs to ease off the eyeliner.(Sam says so)
8. Kim needs an intervention.(Might be with the blogging and fb)
9. Kim needs our prayers.(Oh, yes, we could all use prayers)
10. Kim needs a new apron.(Well, an apron with a spring theme would be nice)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
I was sitting in Junior English class half listening to Dietz, the General Education teacher. I was trying to catch up with the legal paper work that comes along with being a Special Education teacher. Doing more than one thing at at time is second nature to me as a mom. I can focus on one thing and do another. But today was different. The Jilting of Granny who? Katherine Anne Porter, never heard of her... "But he had not come... what does a woman do when she has put on the white veil and set out the white cake for a man and he doesn't come?" Her thoughts of the present are dark: "For 60 years she prayed against remembering him and against loosing her soul in the deep pit of hell, and now the two things were mingled in one and the thought of him was a smoky could from hell" The light which she blew out at the end of the story represents her life and she will now descend into the blackness of death. Porter also uses physical things such as fog to represent non-material things such as betrayal(http://everything2.com). I had to drop what I was doing for Porter grabbed my attention like a car full of high school kids blaring their music and running stop signs.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
When the class bell rings you would find me instructing high school students with special needs. Along with new training I'm handing out choices. Students are provided advice instead of commands. They may sleep in class but they will have to make up the wasted learning on their time. They can do the work now or have home work later. They can be tardy to class but the 3rd one will get them detention. It's all up to them. In the beginning it was hard not to be the one in control. But after a while I saw that I never really was in control. Giving students choices gives them control of their situation. With choices they have a chance to learn from the consequences of their actions. Jim Fay, The author of Love and Logic was introduced to me through a parenting group in Derby, KS. I tried it out with my boys and really liked the idea of giving choices instead of demands. I like the sound of motivator and not dictator.